I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
