So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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