I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
