I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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