And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
