I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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