i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
