If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
