We got so high we made milksteak
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
