We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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