My room smells like vodka and shame
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
