What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
