Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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