Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
They have beer where we have blood.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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