Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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