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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just want nice things and good sex
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
