Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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