This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
