i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
