we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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