Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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