Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
