Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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