I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
