Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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