We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
