I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
