who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
