hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
