"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
