Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
