WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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