I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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