No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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