I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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