Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
