Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
