someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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