There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
