oh god the rape fog is back!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
