Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
