I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
