I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
