I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
