Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
