why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I skipped work to stalk him.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
