I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
