Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
