I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im part way to drunk.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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