I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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