so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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