Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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