When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
